Do you ever wonder how it got this way? Do you look back and think “when was it that the device won over every time”? In this article we ask parents to think back as to how it all unfolded.

This is what happened:

“I remember when they first started playing on my iPad – it kept them occupied and allowed us to get some things done, like cooking and tidying up!”.

This became a routine for us. The more we allowed them on the device the quieter they were and we allowed that to continue. Today, my kids are older and I think that may not have been the decision. I am unsure now what is natural teenager behaviour versus the behaviours that are spawned from being on that device all the time – like they can be really really lazy and totally monosyllabic. I see now that I spent more time doing the practical things myself because it was quicker but I guess its created a habit of some sort and now it is a real struggle to get them off the phone. In hindsight, I would’ve chosen differently.

“I liked them using a device to play on because, let’s face it, of all the toys they could play with, screens are clean … no dirt or stains in the carpet, no rubbish or scrubbing up afterward!”

One Christmas the kids all got different packs of paints and paintbrushes from their Aunty – lovely gift, but we really had to pay for it! There ended up being paint everywhere – how kids get paint on everything, I don’t know. At about the same time they were getting more timen on my mobile and my husband’s iPad and to be honest, it was just a lot cleaner. They could paint to their hearts content using one of those tools on the iPad and there was no tidying up afterward – bliss. Now that I look back, my youngest has always had quite a talent with drawing and art and I am concerned that we didn’t help him with that skill. We played Pictionary not long ago and he had little memory that he is actually really good at drawing.

“I wanted my children to have everything I didn’t have when I was growing up.”

I really tried to give them things that i thought would help them – fit in, make friends, all ofthat. They’ve had all the popular video games and I guess we spoiled them with their devices – they’ve had up to date mobiles and games for many years now. My experience of parenting was overwhelming. You are constantly afraid of stuying up. I ‘know’ deep down that material things are not important – that’s how I was brought up. But it was different with my own children. The boys took to the games and devices like fish to water – no I didn’t “think” that the technology is designed for their age group… I thought of it like a skill. I thought they were amazing! Now I find it interesting that they prefer hanging out with people online gaming, then in person. Is that normal of today’s teenager? Sometimes I get really annoyed at how they prefer interacting with their phone than their parents. I feel like it is a constant competition – and often it’s the phone that wins out.

“My son always wanted to be popular – ever since grade 6”

We gave him a phone because we could, all his friends had one. We thought the device was amazing and with our son going to an all-boys school – we thought it was a must have. As he moved into high-school, we had no doubt that his phone was the most important thing he owned. He also became pretty withdrawn and we are still not sure whether there was something else going but what we do know is that his mobile phone was like his best friend. He became totally attached to it. I thought that was normal, but I don’t believe so now. We didn’t really integrate them in  dialogue with other people anywhere near as much as we should have. Then he started doing really stupid stu – like he would collect YouTube videos that were revolting and cruel – we know he was just trying to be cool. Then there was the time we caught a heap of videos they took of themselves graiti’ing and tagging their signature on everything. Why would do that and then share it online – it’s like it’s just what they do. We know now he used his mobile to hook up with kids older than he and we know now that he would get drugs through these phone hook ups. We know social media was pretty much his only tool. We gave him the world and a superior education but now that he is 20, we don’t really see him anymore.

So, how much of this is just normal teen stu and how much of it is influenced by what they do online – or rather how society has changed for them?

The problem we are faced with today, is that parents are so far behind on what this technology can do that kids are using devices and social media blindly. If parents could make device decisions for their children based on knowledge and lead their children through the digital age based on what is driving their child it would eliminate the “crossing your fingers” approach and following the crowd and equip parents to navigate their child effectively and with certainty.

A NEW GENERATION OF PARENTS IS EMERGING

Mel is a mother who has heard these stories too ofen from family, friends and colleagues with children a lot older than hers.

As a new mother I am really concerned about the environment my daughter will grow in. Interestingly the topic of devices and social media is all around me and I can see the effects. When I took my daughter to the park one day it really hit me how, the way the other children were playing was totally different to how we used to play when we were kids. It bothered me. Wanting to know more about the device phenomenon I couldn’t find much outside of cyber safety, the government website and out of date texts. Someone recommended to me the deviceKids program and firstly I was blown away by the amount of stuff I had to get my head around. But now that I have done it – I am so glad that I did.

It made me realise that ‘not knowing’ about a major part of the society that I’m raising my daughter in, just isn’t good enough. The world is different and so much of it is out of our control. Raising kids today definitely brings new challenges that my parents did not have and I think these challenges are so much harder. The program was an amazing education and it was structured in a way that made so much sense. Don’t get me wrong, at times it was really confronting – I just can’t believe what kids can get up too – but I am so glad that I know now. It painted the full picture for me and I get it now.

THE RESULT?

Mel and her partner have made significant changes in their lifestyle. They have a clarity in decisions they make for their daughter that they didn’t before. They do not use devices in front of her, nor are they interrupted by it during playtime or mealtime. Where they see other parents using a device as a pacifier, Mel has chosen to teach her child how to behave and be occupied by the environment. When they are with their daughter they embrace each moment and they are determined to be present.

“The more experiences our daughter has that makes her use her brain and her body, the more capable she will be.”

I don’t want my child searching online for validation or connection or a sense of belonging and that is what is happening for so many kids today. I don’t want a stranger feeding her information or her learning about sex online and I want her to be sure of herself to make good choices. That comes down to the choices we make for her. For the first time I have framework of how to define what we want for her. I highly recommend this program to any parent that is raising a child in today’s world.

Gain control or take back control!

Melinda is lucky enough to have a head start with the knowledge she has in raising her daughter in a digital world. She has equipped herself with an education that most parents or teachers do not have. In the digital world it’s not just kids who need to learn but parents do too – they are just different lessons. Kids growing up today are asking for leadership and we have just the strategies for you.

Help I’m a parent of a deviceKid is a step-by-step 5-week leadership program that closes the knowledge gap between those who were born digital and those who are not. This program has been made accessible for any adult who has any influence over children. There’s so much to learn – get started today!

This article was originally published on goodmenproject and has been republished with fullpermission.